Character: Tamaki
Genre: Drama
Setting: Inner thoughts and conversation walking through a garden as to why Tamaki cannot love Haruhi look-a-like.
Monologue:
As clichéd as it sounds, what made me realize my feelings
was seeing her put in danger because of me. I was so out of my mind with worry
I could have died. I blamed the kidnappers, I blamed myself… when I found out
she was alright I then the overwhelming relief I felt might kill me. The moment
I saw her smile – a smile that wiped away all my fear and misery – I realized…
ah! So that’s it. I’m in love with her. That true and simple feeling left a
pang in my heart. And I immediately wanted to die again as all my past
stupidity invaded my mind. I’ve always believed I was somewhat of a genius in
my own right… so discovering how idiotic I’ve been has come as a shock. But
when I thought deeply about it while gazing at the tigers of the zoo and strolling
with the equestrian clubs horses… everything seemed to fall into place. Even
Hikaru’s comment made sense I realized I might have been clinging too hard to
something… I might have been living in fear of something.
After you transferred here Miss Kanoya… I became even more certain.
I saw a lot of similarities between us. I do love my parents. But something
inside me had always been bothered by the fact that because my father chose my
mother, various people ended up hurt. As a result, I’ve always feared that if I
were to hold someone as special, someone else precious to me would suffer. I
think that’s why I avoided facing my true feelings. Hikaru tried to encourage
me, but I guess I lack the courage to believe. I never wanted to lose anything
I had. I wanted so desperately to never be lonely again… I was a coward who hid
away in his shell, seeking only to protect himself. And I questioned myself,
how could a person like that ever hope to contend with as earnest and
unwavering a girl as she?
A not about this dialogue, this is from the official Shojo Beat Translation, not the fan sub. That is why the online translation provided below is different.
clip from manga:
http://www.mangahere.com/manga/ouran_high_school_host_club/c068/4.html pages 1- 5
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