Why I'm Me

Anime: Kokoro Connect

Character: Iori Nagase

Genre: Drama

Setting: On the bank of a river after emotional meltdown and offhanded comments Iori discusses with Taichi about her past and why she is having a hard time with their situation

So… I have five dads, but I guess only 3 of them are official…

Does that mean your mom keeps getting divorced and remarried?

Yup. The second Dad was trouble. Let’s just say he could be violent but nothing serious happened because I made sure of it. I learned to adopt a persona… one that fit his preferences. I was careful not to make him angry. If I behaved like this or did that he wouldn't get mad. He might even praise me. I changed my tastes to match, this was back in first grade I think, ever since then I've been switching between personas. But in spring of last year my fifth dad told me on his death bed: “You need to start living your own life.” After he died my Mom said, “I’m sorry for being selfish. From now on I want you to work hard so that you can do the things you want,” while crying her eyes out and we lived happily ever after.

So you get along with your Mom?

But the real hell starts after that. Live your own life, those words left me stunned, what did I like? What did I want to do? After living most of my life trying to live as someone else wanted, I had apparently forgotten who I was. My Mom told me to do what I wanted but I didn't know what that was so I just decided to pick appropriate personas based on the situation. Ironically enough I prided myself on my ability of being able to guess what people wanted, but I've started to lose my touch. I never realized that Yui had androphobia and then this personality swapping business started. I barely had a grip on my personality as it was. Once we began switching bodies, it only got worse. Eventually nobody will be able to recognize me. I won’t be able to recognize myself Then maybe, eventually, I’ll just fade away…

Episode:

http://www.gogoanime.com/kokoro-connect-episode-4

start around the 7 minute mark. :)

Oh, by the way guys, Kokoro Connect has a LONG monologue almost every episode so... if you want one this is the show. :)